I haven't blogged in awhile because I only do it when I really feel like I have something to say, and after watching last weeks episode of The Real Housewives Of NYC I think I have something I need to get off my chest. The notion of responsibility is kind of foreign to us in this decade because we are more interested in pointing fingers and placing the blame on someone else. Also the concept of owing people for actions done out of kindness and friendship is an interesting one that I have had some experience with lately. I am spurred to comment on this due to the rift between former besties Bethenny Frankle and Jill Zarin (both of whom I enjoy very much). If you don't know the history or watch the show I won't bore you with the details and if you do then I don't need to catch you up so I will just go on to say I think the problem here is that neither one of them is taking responsibility for their contribution in how things got to where they are. All friends have issues, heck, every relationship has it's fault-lines. We are drawn to people that re-create our first relationship, the one with our parents and in most of our cases our mother. "You did this" or "You weren't there for . . . " are all ways that we use to place the blame for a situation on someone else. I think most of us aren't clear or truthful with ourselves about our expectations when we are embarking on a relationship, platonic or otherwise, with someone. Jill is upset because Behtenny wasn't there for her when her husband fell ill with cancer, but Jill never communicated to Bethenny the severity of the situation. Bethenny didn't make more of an effort to find out the severity of the situation but to her knowledge it appeared as if Jill wasn't too concerned because she still had time for social and press engagements. There was a breakdown of communication on both sides and instead of admitting it harsh words are hurled at each other in various inappropriate and very public settings. One setting which is the ultimate in ugliness is when Bethenny calls Jill to have a real "grown up", if you can consider what is going on her that, conversation and Jill puts her on speaker for everyone to hear and then intentionally goads her to the amusement of everyone in the room, including the meddling Countess, whom in this situation has truly proven herself to be Count-less by stooping so low as to get in the middle of a situation that has nothing to do with her.
They are now arguing about everything except for what the incident was in the first place, WHICH by the way comes down to hurt feelings over supposed obligations they had to one another. There was a lot of "if you were really my friend" being fired off. The truth of the matter is we all do things because we want to and holding someone responsible or in the case of Jill and Bethenny, indebted to us for all that we have given them is unfair and is just an excuse to feel betrayed and bring up the old anger and resentment we feel from childhood and vomit it onto someone else's lap. If you do something for me I simply say "thank you', and I don't expect any more if I were to do something for you. This notion that friendship or life for that matter should be all even and fair is absurd. Just be responsible for your actions and own your feelings. If you have a kind gesture in your heart, do it and don't wait for your repayment. Your are investing in someone else's karma bank. Hopefully they do a good deed to and it all comes full circle one day. That should be enough for us all. Putting a little good into the world. And please just take responsibility for what it is that you did to get yourself into the situation you find yourself in, and if at the end of the day you realize you really were a blameless victim to the pettiness and maliciousness that is reigning down on you then maybe you need to get some new friends because no good should be done at the expense of yourself, emotionally or otherwise.
XO world!
