I.O.U

I haven't blogged in awhile because I only do it when I really feel like I have something to say, and after watching last weeks episode of The Real Housewives Of NYC I think I have something I need to get off my chest. The notion of responsibility is kind of foreign to us in this decade because we are more interested in pointing fingers and placing the blame on someone else. Also the concept of owing people for actions done out of kindness and friendship is an interesting one that I have had some experience with lately. I am spurred to comment on this due to the rift between former besties Bethenny Frankle and Jill Zarin (both of whom I enjoy very much). If you don't know the history or watch the show I won't bore you with the details and if you do then I don't need to catch you up so I will just go on to say I think the problem here is that neither one of them is taking responsibility for their contribution in how things got to where they are. All friends have issues, heck, every relationship has it's fault-lines. We are drawn to people that re-create our first relationship, the one with our parents and in most of our cases our mother.

"You did this" or "You weren't there for . . . " are all ways that we use to place the blame for a situation on someone else. I think most of us aren't clear or truthful with ourselves about our expectations when we are embarking on a relationship, platonic or otherwise, with someone. Jill is upset because Behtenny wasn't there for her when her husband fell ill with cancer, but Jill never communicated to Bethenny the severity of the situation. Bethenny didn't make more of an effort to find out the severity of the situation but to her knowledge it appeared as if Jill wasn't too concerned because she still had time for social and press engagements. There was a breakdown of communication on both sides and instead of admitting it harsh words are hurled at each other in various inappropriate and very public settings. One setting which is the ultimate in ugliness is when Bethenny calls Jill to have a real "grown up", if you can consider what is going on her that, conversation and Jill puts her on speaker for everyone to hear and then intentionally goads her to the amusement of everyone in the room, including the meddling Countess, whom in this situation has truly proven herself to be Count-less by stooping so low as to get in the middle of a situation that has nothing to do with her.

They are now arguing about everything except for what the incident was in the first place, WHICH by the way comes down to hurt feelings over supposed obligations they had to one another. There was a lot of "if you were really my friend" being fired off. The truth of the matter is we all do things because we want to and holding someone responsible or in the case of Jill and Bethenny, indebted to us for all that we have given them is unfair and is just an excuse to feel betrayed and bring up the old anger and resentment we feel from childhood and vomit it onto someone else's lap. If you do something for me I simply say "thank you', and I don't expect any more if I were to do something for you. This notion that friendship or life for that matter should be all even and fair is absurd. Just be responsible for your actions and own your feelings. If you have a kind gesture in your heart, do it and don't wait for your repayment. Your are investing in someone else's karma bank. Hopefully they do a good deed to and it all comes full circle one day. That should be enough for us all. Putting a little good into the world. And please just take responsibility for what it is that you did to get yourself into the situation you find yourself in, and if at the end of the day you realize you really were a blameless victim to the pettiness and maliciousness that is reigning down on you then maybe you need to get some new friends because no good should be done at the expense of yourself, emotionally or otherwise.

XO world!

Discipline

The above video of the men’s rhythmic gymnastics team from Aomori Universityhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeOnt7lwiN0 got me thinking about a topic my partner Calen and I discuss quite frequently and that is discipline. As a dancer, then as a teacher and now as the director of my own training program I have had the experience of learning the art of being disciplined as well as how to teach another the importance of it. We have chosen as artists a very difficult path and it takes a certain level of dedication to continuously make it to the next level. Of late my focus has been on helping dancers not only develop their bodies but to train their minds for the rigorous mental work that is necessary to dance. Just as the world around us has become very divided so has the dance world. Unless you are fortunate enough to be a part of a conservatory program or dance at a studio with a very high caliber of instructor students these days aren’t learning how to push themselves properly. The digital age has invaded dance and with everything else in life being so available a young dancer no longer sees the necessity for training their physical instrument slowly to develop the strength, stamina and yes technique required to not only perform at their highest level but to preserve the only body they will be given. The average studio owner then has a very difficult decision to make in regard to how little or how much they can enforce certain rules of conduct in the classroom. On the reverse side so many people have made such great discoveries in preservation of the body. Exercise forms such as Pilates and the GYROTONIC® methodology are ever more available and really strengthen the body in a way that is excellent cross training. Well known anatomist and neuro-muscular therapist Irene Dowd wrote a book first published in 1981 entitled “Taking Root To Fly” outlining some of the most essential lessons we as dancers should learn in regard to the anatomy we use. That being said all of these things are useless however if the student isn’t interested and just wants a quick fix to all of their problems and limitations. Not realizing that this information can be the key to unlock some of the mystery behind why they don’t have more access to their flexibility or are constantly sustaining injuries, when faced with the choice to take a step back and learn a new way to approach dance they’re egos often get the better of them and they walk away toward a class or a teacher that praises them but doesn’t demand anything more. Discipline can be defined as - to train oneself to do something in a controlled habitual way. I like this definition because being disciplined needs to be a habit. You only get better at what you practice. If you practice laziness you get better at laziness. If you practice a plié badly you get better and better at that bad plié. I am greatly inspired by these very talented and masterfully trained men of Japan. They have obviously spent a lot of time conditioning themselves to perform this amazing routine and their passion shows through in every step. Let them be an inspiration to you in whatever you have to do today and practice life the way you want to get better at it.

The Matinee

I went to see my sister in a production of The Nutcracker. First off she was absolutely beautiful. Visibly nervous but still really stunning. She is so grown up and looks so elegant and graceful on stage. She was particularly breathtaking as the Snow Queen. Well, as I sat there at this matinee performance I was totally bombarded by images of struggling parents. They were fighting furiously to keep their children contained. From the woman two rows ahead whose children all moved a few rows ahead to see a bit better. Instead of enjoying the performance her attention was fixed on her daughter whose constant bobbing from seat to seat was clearly a distraction to the people behind her. Eventually she removed her child from the auditorium but first had to catch her. Then the man behind me had a rather loquacious young girl of maybe 3 years old. Her constant commentary was enough to pull my focus while my sister pirouetted on stage. Her father consistently requested that she stop talking. There were about 15 idle threats that he would take her out of the theatre and in a shocking turn of events he never quite managed to do so. At one point after insisting she be quiet she proceeded to ask him a question at which point he answered her quite cordially. Then again asked her to be quiet. He actually dialogued with her throughout the entire show setting a prime example of appropriate theatre etiquette. The list goes on and on from the ones who were screaming to the ones wandering the rows and being chased. I mentioned this to my father and his two sisters while we sat at t.g.i fridays enjoying a nice post show meal (mine included a huge pomegranate margarita) and their answer shocked me. They all responded with such a sense of detachment that it was "a family show". Now, I understand things have really changed in the last 20 years but I was surprised that these people who raised me to have respect and courtesy for others. Who taught me the value of not ruining someone else's experience. They have all given in to the degradation of civility. I am really saddened by this and I know that things will only get worse before they get better. So for now I can only hope to instill in all of the children that cross my path through the work I do that they at least need to hold the experience of going to see a live performance in higher regard and hopefully we can start to raise the next generation a little better than we have the present one.